A dear friend told me that if I didn’t write at least ten hilariously scandalous novels in my lifetime, I would be doing the world an injustice. Honestly, that’s a really intense promise to fulfill, so I figure I should start now. Another dear friend of mine, Mark Twain, allegedly once said, “Write what you know.” After that lunch/bro date with Mark Twain, I decided to write about my own life… an online memoir, if you will. The places and situations I find myself in are absolutely ridiculous, and at one point, I was actually embarrassed to even talk about them. One of the worst was the serial-vomiting story my dad would tell about my time in elementary school. So that’s what I’ve started with.
In all seriousness, I don’t believe in keeping secrets. I’m a completely open book with a lot of hilarious stories to tell. I don’t think I’ve ever been through, nor will I ever go through, anything that someone else hasn’t gone through his or herself. Another friend once told me, “Try in your own way to be free.” This is my way of being free.
To all those included in these stories, I apologize in advance for what I write. God love you for being in the midst of them. For those who don’t know me, relish in the fact that your friend isn’t writing all of this about you. For everyone, I just hope you enjoy them.
This is how I got here.
Author’s Note: Only two of the aforementioned friends are actually my friends. I’ll let you decide which comment was not directly said to me. Also, in response to the odd Russian following that I have: I have a crush on all of you. Every one of you.